it's been a while... again

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

I keep starting this post in my head and never quite getting it onto the page. Over a year now. I remember writing last spring about forgetting how to rest... and then life went ahead and made me rest whether I wanted to or not.

I’ve had some health things to look after. Nothing I want to write about in detail... some of it is still mine to carry quietly. But there were appointments. A lot of them. And a lot of waiting.

I never knew how much of life happens in waiting rooms. The same chairs, the same old magazines nobody reads, the television up in the corner talking to no one. You sit there with your coat on your lap and your name not called yet, and the minutes feel longer than they should.

One morning I put my hand in my coat pocket and found a sticky note. Folded twice, the ink a little smudged. I must have written it months before and forgotten all about it. It said:
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23)

I sat there and read it maybe ten times. Then I folded it back up and held it in my hand until they called my name.

I can’t tell you it fixed anything. But it was enough to get me through that morning. And then the next one.

There’s been some heaviness in the family too. The kind every family has at some point... words said too fast, silences that went on too long. I won’t say more than that. It’s not only my story to tell. But I can say it’s softening now. Slowly. A phone call here, a visit there. Someone laughing at the dinner table again.

I’m learning that healing doesn’t come all at once. It comes in small pieces, like the light at the start of a day.

And my friends... I don’t know what I would have done without them. Lorna showed up with soup more times than I can count, and she never once asked if I wanted it. Claire drove me to appointments and talked about anything except why we were going. And Mary prayed with me on the days I couldn’t find any words of my own. Sometimes she didn’t say anything at all. She just stayed.

Now the news... and I’m a little shy about this part.

I’m going back to work. Writing work, I mean. I’ve joined Hearts Notes (heartsnotes.com) as one of their authors. They make Christian books and gifts and Bible resources... the kind of gentle, helpful things I always wished I’d had when I was lost somewhere in the middle of Leviticus.

I still can’t quite believe they wanted me. Me, with my post-its and my messy margins and my old Word documents. But they did. And I’m so grateful to be part of it.

Some of you might remember the Old Testament study guide I kept saying I’d share “soon.” I know... soon turned into a very long time. I haven’t forgotten it. I think it may have found a good home now. I’ll tell you more when I can... and I’ll try not to promise too quickly this time.

It feels strange to be starting something new at this point in my life. Strange and a little scary. But good, I think. Like opening the windows after a long winter.

A Prayer:
Lord, thank You for carrying me through the waiting. For friends who show up, for families that find their way back to each other, for mercies that really are new every morning. Help me to write honestly again. And if these words are meant to help someone... then let them.

I’ve missed this... and I’ve missed you.